he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
