Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
