i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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