i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
