Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
