I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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