Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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