you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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