dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
