im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
