I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
