Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
