just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
