I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
