No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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