Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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