Im at strip club and am horny
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
