i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
