drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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