At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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