first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
