I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my shit smells like andre
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
