how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
