my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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