He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
