Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
