i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
