I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
