y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
