There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
