I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
