if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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