He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
