Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
