I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
