Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
