I just pynch a tree in the face
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I need to align my fucking chakras
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
