i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
