I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
