I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
