i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
