Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
