You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
