But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
