Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
