So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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