It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
