I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
