dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize