Duck Duck Cougar?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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