How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
